The United States is going through a difficult moment. There’s much polarization, entrenchment of ideas, and consolidation of opinions, which in turn create barriers for real conversation. People of different political opinions often talk at each other, and those that share an opinion rarely disagree. In the end, we retreat to our echo chambers and continue espousing the same unshakeable points of view.
This is a time of crisis—a crisis of curiosity. We do not take the time to really have a conversation with each other, asking questions and listening with intention, and as a result we fail to grow and develop. We can expand our horizons if we choose to listen to what other people say, to respect most points of view (I feel I have to qualify—nowadays there are some points of view being expressed in America, often with so much hatred and venom, that are simply unacceptable, and do not have a place in any conversation), and to ask clarifying questions with compassion and curiosity.
I find that every issue can be explored from many points of view, and that often there is not a “one-size fits all” solution.
We might have a one size fits most solution, but I find that while it might fit most people, it doesn’t mean that it is a good fit even for the people that might benefit from that solution. When we hear other people’s opinions and see things from different perspectives we are able to understand and embody what our tradition talks about when it affirms that the Torah has 70 faces—we welcome the many meanings of every word in the text.
In traditional Jewish learning we expect to have different points of view and to grow from the discussion. Turns out the Jewish tradition has an interesting solution for this crisis. It is called havrutah. For centuries Jews have learned sacred text through havrutot, a pair that discusses Jewish texts with passion and with attentiveness. When we study with a havrutah we slow down and ask questions about the text with trust that the other person is listening and desires to find a meaning of the text that will enhance everyone’s spiritual life. True havrutah partners are open to learning, open to listening to other people’s opinions, and know how to make other people feel heard and understood, giving space for the other to speak, and showing appreciation for the rest of the group.
Studying in a havrutah doesn’t mean that we must end up espousing the same opinion or having the same practice.
Many years ago I studied with another rabbi that came from a different kind of observance than mine. We were studying the passage about the tzitzit for the weekly Torah portion, and she told me that she was creating a tallit with a fabric artist and found a yarn that matched the tie-dyed fabric they were using to make the tallit. I pride myself in being a fabric artist, and I felt uncomfortable with not using kosher tzitzit, bought for that specific purpose. I go out of my way to buy kosher tzitzit to use when I make a tallit! I asked her why they were not going to use a set of kosher tzitzit, and her answer was that this was not the important aspect of the tallit for her. She enjoyed using a tallit as a protection and as a “member of the community using the uniform.” She also shared that all that is written in the Torah is that the tzitzit had to have a p’til tchelet, a thread of blue which we are not sure nowadays of its true shade, and that there was no clear requirement for what should be used as tzitzit. In fact, all that is needed to make a set of tzitzit is to spin the yarn with the spiritual intention of making tzitzit out of them. Lastly, she felt that she did not need to use a kosher tzitzit because she was not enamored with the commercialization of kosher certification. I listened to her explanation, and I shared with her that I was convinced by her arguments, and agreed with her. I also said that for my own practice, I would continue to buy kosher tzitzit, until the day I actually start spinning my own.
Another benefit of a havrutah is that I am not the kind of person that formulates my opinion in a split second, jumping into a discussion immediately. I must take a moment to reflect on what was said before participating. I am grateful for the times in which people asked questions that helped me formulate my point of view. And I am grateful for the opportunity to reflect until we met again, and go back to one point or another that begged clarification.
Approaching conversations as with a havrutah can help heal the difficulties that arise from having different points of view. May we be able to be curious, to ask curious questions, and to be ready to listen to opinions other than our own that can help us grow and develop as good and productive members of our society.