We continue our exploration of the Jewish wedding by examining the first part of the ceremony, the Eirussin.
The Jewish ceremony was once two separate ceremonies, the Eirussin, or betrothal, followed by the Nissuin, the wedding itself. We now combine these two ceremonies in one.
The first part of the ceremony, the Eirussin, begins as the bride and the groom come into the huppah, the wedding canopy. The huppah is supposed to be a blueprint of one’s home, yet it is a fragile, impermanent structure—one that can only be a blueprint of one’s home if we imagine that it is being held up by the love of those assembled around the huppah, supporting the couple in their journey together. The huppah can be stationary, in other words, be mounted on four posts that are permanently attached to the floor, or to poles that are held by friends or family or attached to tree branches (depending on where the ceremony is happening). The cover itself can be a family heirloom, a tallit, a bedspread, something made specifically for that moment…the possibilities are endless.
When the couple comes into the huppah, it is time for circling. The couple will circle each other, as a symbol of the centrality of one in the life of the other. I suggest that the couple who wishes to participate in this tradition choose between three options:
A – Three loops – based on the three times in the Book of the Prophet Hosea that God says will espouse the people of Israel (Hosea 2:21-22 – “And I will espouse you for eternity: I will espouse you with righteousness and justice, And with love and compassion, And I will espouse you in trust”
B – Seven loops – based on the idea that the love of the couple is creating a different world, that this is a new creation, and just as the Hebrew Bible depicts God as creating the world in seven days, the couple circles each other seven times symbolizing the beginning of this new story of creation.
C – Ten loops – based on the ten energies of God according to the kabbalah. The couple would be bringing those energies into the relationship, balancing God’s energies in the world through the power of their love.
After the welcoming to the huppah, there is the blessing of the Eirussin. This is a blessing that emphasizes the concept of covenantal contract between bride and groom. In the past, it affirmed the reliability of the groom while the couple was getting ready for the second part of the wedding, the nissuin. Nowadays, this blessing is a good opportunity for the couple to insert a reading or a poem that they love to make the ceremony reflect the uniqueness of their relationship. This blessing is pronounced over the first cup of wine.
The next step is the exchange of rings. This is the central part of the Jewish wedding, the definition of what makes the wedding valid. The original Hebrew formula was “Behold, you are consecrated unto me, through this ring, according to the laws of Moses and Israel.” The language of this blessing implied a financial transaction, and most people feel uncomfortable using that language nowadays. There are many alternatives that people are using to exchange rings under the huppah that are egalitarian, and do not have the financial aspect imbedded into it, options that reflect the nature of the partnerships that include all people who want to celebrate their love through the Jewish tradition. The ring used during the ceremony must be round, without stones or cutouts, as a metaphor for the uninterrupted love and commitment a couple has one for the other.
This is the time that (if the couple wants) I suggest that they insert their own vows.
The Ketubah, the marriage contract, might be read at this point. Some couples elect to sign the ketubah during the ceremony, and this would be the time to do it. Many people sign the ketubah before the beginning of the ceremony. The ketubah is a document that is signed by two witnesses not related to the couple or to each other by blood or marriage. The traditional ketubah was a marriage contract that was legally valid in ancient times, and today works as a spiritual marriage contract for most people, since the text must speak to the couple. There are many available texts, egalitarian texts, LGBTQ+ texts, texts that reflect the couple and their relationship better.
The Ketubah is read as a way to pretend that the time passed between the Eirussin and the Nissuin, the next part of the ceremony, which we will explore next time.