This coming week we will be experiencing another “pandemic Passover.” It is one more year of not being able to join with friends in the same room. In my dark imagination I believe that Passover will feel, again, constrained, and in many ways, diminished.
It doesn’t have to be this way, though. I allow myself to stay with that feeling for a little while, fully experiencing the sadness that results from imagining a Passover that somehow will be less than what I want it to be. The more I explore the feeling and the imagination, the less I believe that this is what will happen. I think of the blessing we are experiencing right now, when many people are being vaccinated, and there is a possibility that the Coronavirus will soon not be as globally devastating as it has been. I remind myself that Passover is about the Liberation from Egypt, the liberation from slavery and oppression, which forces me to look at the plight of others that are experiencing that reality on this day, and work for their freedom. As I stay with these feelings my focus shifts to the positive aspects that I will experience this year, which indeed I experience every year: I know I will feel the lightness of my home as I clean and let go of the extra baggage that has accumulated in my fridge and my pantry since last Passover, something I experience every year; I will enjoy getting reacquainted with the special Passover dishes I have been accumulating for many years, experiencing the joy of seeing the pottery I made long ago, the sweet seder decorations my son made in preschool, the fun of mismatched serving utensils; and I will sing out loud the songs that have been sung in my family for many years, and I will read the passages in the Haggadah that will remind me of stories and jokes of past seders. As I meditate and get in touch with my feelings, I slowly emerge from the funk of emotional self-oppression and start anticipating the joy of freedom.
I am reminded of a text from the Me’or Einayim, the teachings of Rabbi Menachem Nachum of Chernobyl (1730-1797). He writes:
“It is well known that the mystery of the Exodus is that consciousness was in exile and contracted. No one knew how to serve God with joy and an expansive mind, which is the fullest consciousness. In the Egyptian exile, the peoples’ consciousness was constrained, which is like metzar yam, the narrow sea. For the stream of awareness that flows from the sea of wisdom was constricted and diminished, and they had not yet achieved an expansive consciousness. But, with Yetziat Mitzrayim (the Exodus from Egypt), when they came out of metzar yam (the narrow sea), consciousness of God grew and expanded. Israel’s awareness and consciousness continued to expand and grow, and Israel’s capacity to worship the Holy One in joy had expanded so fully since their consciousness had grown out of its constriction that “a handmaid saw at the Sea more than even Ezekiel saw in his vision.”
So many times, our consciousness is in exile. We avoid dealing with our feelings and embark on a downward spiral that prevents us from connecting with the Source of Joy, Love, Healing, and Generosity of Spirit. Rabbi Menachem Nachum of Chernobyl reminds us that when our consciousness is in exile, when we are not fully in touch with our feelings and our spirit, we will continue to be stuck in the metzar yam, the narrow sea. However, when we get in touch with the stream of awareness that flows from the sea of wisdom, when we are conscious of the undercurrents of feelings that are happening inside of us, we ignite the process of Yetziat Mitzrayim. We expand our capacity to relate to the Eternal in joy, experiencing fullness of heart, feeling the freedom that is at the core of this holiday. I wish you a sweet and happy Passover, with consciousness, with expansion out of constriction, and with much connection with the Eternal in joy.