Every so often someone tells me that they do not go to services because they do not believe the words that are written in the siddur (prayer book). Here is a secret I will confess: I do not believe the words that are written in the siddur. Well, not all the words, and not all the time. I still go to services, and I still find the siddur very meaningful, even though the words might or might not, depending on the day, work for me. I do not think of the siddur as a book that delineates my beliefs, and this is the way in which I allow it to enrich my life while simultaneously affirming that the words of the siddur are not the source of my belief.
When I join others in communal prayer I do not engage in an intellectual exercise—it is not about rational understanding. Prayer is an exercise in understanding with my heart and with my soul. In my mind any hope of connection would be lost if all I did when I prayed with my community was to read the words that are printed on the page, methodically and robotically. I can see how reading the siddur in this way would feel sterile. At first glance the siddur seems to be a haphazard collection of words praising God, with uncomfortable gendered language, without much of a narrative—but it cannot be approached in this way. The siddur is not a map that tells me where and how I should travel to feel a connection with God. The siddur is not a book that can be read as a manual, a book with clearly delineated steps, nor is it an instrument for the intellectual understanding of the nature of God or religion. Reading the siddur this way is to worship the intellect, the ability to understand words and sentences, looking for logic and failing to find it.
For me, the siddur is a jumping point to dive into a sea of relationships with both God and my community. The siddur is a humble attempt to open the soul to reality in a more profound, Jewish way.
The goal of the siddur is to help us stay on the same page, literally and figuratively. The siddur helps the community evolve, engaging people and increasing the feeling of belonging, as we use the tools that Jews have used so many times throughout our spiritual history. As we take this spiritual journey together we leave open the door for awe, wonder, and gratitude to enter the soul. That is a great gift to us and to the world, living life in order to highlight all the ways in which we can expand kindness and love because we understand the interconnection of everything and the miracle that it is to be alive.
I heard somewhere that when we can only see things one way and one way only, we worship the wrong god. We worship the god of habit, not the Eternal, who is the God of possibility.
The siddur can be opened like any other book, and might be misused as a cookbook—a collection of sentences from the Bible and from Rabbinic sources. This is, however, the recipe to worship the god of habit. Yet we can open the book and chant it, marvel at the lines and curves of the Hebrew words, find one word or one sentence that will be the call to live with kindness and love, take the time to be strengthened by familiar melodies, searching for a way to enhance the connection with our tradition. This is a way to worship the Eternal, the God of possibility. The siddur can help us in this search, when explored with curiosity and read as a search for spiritual connection.